Successful Relationship with Emma

How to Be Partners in Life – Emma Solo (Ep.34)

• Emma Viglucci • Episode 34

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In today’s episode, Emma offers the 2nd way in which we are partners in our relationship. In the last episode she covered how to be partners in Love. Today she covers how to be partners in Life. Though these things are supposed to be givens in our relationship, most couples get both wrong! She shares how partners are actually attracted to each other and the glue that holds them together. And it’s not what you think! Then, she delves into very detailed ways on how to uplevel your collaboration in your relationship, to master creating a shared life you absolutely love. 

Hope you enjoy it! 


*Visit the Episode’s Page for the Video, related article, other resources AND to get our FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!   


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DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of the host’s.



Emma Viglucci:

Hello, lovelies, and welcome to another episode. I am so excited for today's topic. We are covering being partners in life. Now, what's special about this topic is that the last episode I covered being partners in love. Now let me tell you why I'm making that distinction.

Emma Viglucci:

Partners in life meaning that you might be in a long-term relationship and you're doing the business of life together and you're creating a life together, but when we do that, when we make the higher level of commitment, we forget to be partners in love. And so last time I covered how to do that, how to bring the couple back to your relationship, as opposed to the husband and the wife, the boyfriend and the girlfriend, or the mom and the dad, or and that's regardless of gender, of course. Translate that for yourself, if you're not a stereotypical family, family structure. And aside from the roles and those labels, we forget the essence of the relationship. What makes up that, the couple. That gets lost in translation, and so we focus on that last time. And then I made the point that sometimes we are all about the business of life let's be partners in life, but we don't even do that well, and so that's what I wanted to cover today how do we do partners in life better. Now, the reason why I picked this or I make that statement or that claim is because I see that with the couples that we work with, they are a relationship, they are a couple, but they are not partners in love. They don't have the romantical part. The couple essence got lost and also they're not doing well at creating the life that they want. There's a lot of friction, they're struggling, they're not creating the things that they want. They're not having the lifestyle that they want. They're not creating the things that they want. They're not having the lifestyle that they want. They're not enjoying their life. They're fighting a lot, they're not progressing in life as they would like, in all of the things.

Emma Viglucci:

So today I'm going to show you how to align with your partner, how to reframe or reset how you look at your relationship so that you could put it in the right place or perspective, so that you can create a strong partnership and create the relationship and the life that you want. All right, so, having said all that, let me dive in and let me walk you through a few characteristics or aspects of this. So the first one is going to be the mindset that you need to have to help you look at this differently so that you can get on that next level then how to benefit from the partnership, how to create the proper partnership and how to work the partnership. So if that sounded a little vague, just bear with me here as I dive in into each one and really give you a flavor for how to capitalize your partnership, how to be in your relationship in a way that really serves you both and helps you create the life that you want. So the first one is, if you haven't heard me before, is creating or embracing a relationship enrichment mindset. If you have heard me describe this before or if you're very familiar with it, feels free to skip to the next timestamp. But it's never wasted to kind of be refreshed on these ideas, because the rest of the content today will build on that.

Emma Viglucci:

Okay, so you might want to stick around if, even if you're familiar with this, and the things that I'd like to highlight about it is that our partner is our partner with a capital P. They are the partner of all the partners. They are the partner that we chose to create our life with. That role doesn't get filled any better than that by our partner. Let me say that differently. That is the most important role the partner that we do our life with. I don't think that we recognize how significant that is. We might get it logically, but like, really at the depth, like this is the person and we usually don't treat them with such status or with giving them that big of credit or importance status or with giving them that big of credit or importance, and we don't treat the partnership, the relationship, with that level of importance.

Emma Viglucci:

The other piece with a relationship enrichment mindset is that not only is our partner the partner, but also they are our ally. A lot of times we treat our partner as the enemy right. It's you versus me, my needs versus yours, what you want versus what I want or your way, my way, like all these funny things that we might do in a relationship. Instead of thinking or looking at things as okay, this is something that we have to crack, how do we put our heads together to figure this thing out? Or how do we consider both of us to take care of this thing? A lot of times, partner butt heads and they're they go against each other. They think that if I honor me, then I cancel you, or if I honor you, rather I cancel myself. And so they have a hard time honoring their partner, and that's just not true. We could honor both at the same time. It's just a matter of figuring out how right, and so that's why we're here to help you align, so it's easier to do that. Now.

Emma Viglucci:

The other piece is with this mindset is that the relationship in and of itself is a vehicle for helping us do our life to the grandest experience that we can, and so the relationship helps us navigate our life, and it's kind of like a playground. In the playground we get to practice, we get to ride the rides, play with all the things, and in that we get to be playmates, we get to experience, we get to explore, we get to know each other, we get to do all of the experiences. So in this vehicle slash playground, the relationship helps us do the game of life, and so what we want to do is align these things like so that we give the partner and the relationship the due status, so that everything else flows from that and therefore we're more in alignment, as opposed to being the enemies or the friction, or the priority gets lost and all these things OK. So that's the relationship mindset, the relationship enrichment mindset. In a nutshell, now I want to show you how we create that important and elevated place for the relationship in the partnership. So there's an attraction between ourselves and our partner.

Emma Viglucci:

So we got to explore or we got to think about what, about that attraction? What is the attraction? So it's not just the beauty that we see in the outside. There is something between the partners that gets attracted. The way that I am compliments the way that my partner is, and vice versa. That's part of the glue, part of the attraction. I'm going to spare you all the psychological unconscious mechanisms that are at play there for this episode. If you're interested in knowing more about that, feel free to put in the comments more about that and I'll tell you where to find all the resources on that that we already have. Or I could do more content in the future on this, but for now, just know that that's part of the attraction, because I don't have these things in me, but you have them. That's attractive, right, and vice versa. That's part of the attraction. And so the partnership then it's a creation of the complementary aspects creates a bigger whole or a bigger unit, right? So myself, what I could contribute, gets larger now because of my partner, can contribute and vice versa. So the whole is bigger than the parts. So that's the point with that parts.

Emma Viglucci:

So that's the point with that, and also part of the attraction is that what my sensitivities might get prickled by my partner and what sensitivities in him might get prickled by how I am. In that prickling, in that triggering, there's an opportunity for us to heal, like why do I have the sensitivities, what are my wounds, what are my things that are getting tripped up by? However, my partner is showing up, and the same thing for him with how I am showing up. In that there's an opportunity for growth for both of us and for healing. So it means stretching and giving my partner something different. I grow and expand and in him receiving what I'm offering, he gets to heal because now he's getting something different than he usually does, you see, and so this attraction has a lot of different mechanisms.

Emma Viglucci:

That makes this partnership so special, because this is our way of expanding and growing ourselves as human beings. So not only are we creating our life with this person, not only are we partners in love and hopefully having fun and enjoying each other, but also we have this give and take, where we get to be a better human right, isn't that like just so beautiful? That's like the relationship. It doesn't get any better than this. And so, when we put it in that place, from that perspective, that's the do that our partner in our relationship will require, and from that place, we just create really awesome things. When we lose sight of that, things get really messy and funky and bumpy. So it behooves us to kind of keep this mindset as an overarching framework, okay, so then, the next thing that I want to highlight is what kind of life we want to create.

Emma Viglucci:

So this, what's the point of this partnership? Now, I already explained that it's a vehicle for our growth and our evolution, for creating our life together, for having fun in this life together. But then, more specifically, it's important for us to think about OK, so I'm here to have a life experience, my partner's here to help me do that, and vice versa, but what is the life experience that I want to have? What is the life experience, what is the relationship that I want to have? How do I want this relationship to play out so that it supports me in this grand life experience that I want to have? What is the lifestyle that would help us achieve that. What is it that we want to create at the end of the day? What is our life vision? What are we kind of shooting to create here? How do we want the journey to go? What is it that we want to achieve as we go? Achieve, experience, have be all the things.

Emma Viglucci:

So exploring all those things for ourselves and then with our partner helps us align so that we could actually flow easier. We're not bumping in the night, right, we're not banging against the walls and just trying to figure stuff out as we're going. When we both know where we're coming from and what we're trying to do, we can support each other so we could have the experience that we want to have at the end of the day. That we want to have at the end of the day, we could look at this as having a vision for playing this game of life and for having an amazing experience. Journey as we go. So it's not the destination, it's the journey, this game of life. How do we do it better? So keeping those things in mind as we're going helps us align, look at things differently, not get stuck in the weeds and not do the funny dynamics that we might do and not prioritize things properly. That we might do and lose the force for the treat. That we might do, and it just keeps us in a higher perspective and aligned so that we could flow much easier and more joyfully.

Emma Viglucci:

Now the next thing that I want to highlight is that we want to be intentional about what we're creating. We want to design the experience, the lifestyle, the aspects of our lives. Now, this is where we want to put our heads together. We might want to think about this for ourselves first. What are our priorities, what is important to us? What do we want our relationship to feel and look like? What are the expectations that we have of our partner, of our marriage, of our relationship, of our partnership? And just flesh it all out right and just get kind of figure out okay, what is the flavor, what is the thing, what is it that I want? Like out right, and just get kind of figure out, okay, what is the flavor, what is the thing, what is it that I want, like desire, need, and then communicating that with our partner so that we could see, okay, what's different, what might need to be polished a little bit, how do we clarify some things. How do we get on the same page about these things?

Emma Viglucci:

There might be some items there that feel like they're out there, that they're outliers, like what, that's what you want or that's what you believe, or whatever. Don't worry about the outliers. Just look for the commonalities first and just build on that, because that's enough momentum and enough stuff to keep you going, and then, as you go, you could fine tune any outliers and see how important they are or how do they get integrated so that you're both good. People get hung up on the outliers. People get hung up on the things that they don't have in common. People get hung up on the things that are different. What a waste, right? There's so much other stuff that you do have in common that does work, that you can expand on, that you could integrate, that you could massage together so you could create something that's joined. I mean, there's so many different ways of going about this. Don't get stuck on the silly stuff. Don't get stuck on things that are miscellaneous.

Emma Viglucci:

Now you might say well, that's a deal breaker for me, that's not silly, that's the big one, that's okay. But that's the one thing that's a deal breaker for me. That's not silly, that's the big one. That's okay, but that's the one thing that's different. And as an outlier, regardless of how important it is, you still have all these other things. So get flowing and creating with that first and then address the air quotes deal breaker, because once you're flowing and you have everything else going so much easier, you'll have different ways of looking at that air quotes deal breaker and approaching that one thing. That's such an outlier that you remove the barbed wires out of it and you'll figure out how to integrate and still how to do it. If you try to tackle it too soon or before having the other things going, you're just going to have all this friction. You're just not in a good place to be able to create something together yet right, or to create that one thing, or to implement that one thing, to integrate that one thing. So first get the momentum going and then that will help you address the other thing.

Emma Viglucci:

Now, something that a lot of couples miss is that when we're being critical, shaming, micromanaging, controlling, judgy, whatever all the things that we like to do in a relationship is because we might be feeling disconnected. This is such a huge concept that just gets lost. A lot of partners say things like well, if we're not getting along, how can I be nice or affectionate or pleasant? And that's not the right question. The question is like okay, so why are you not getting along? And it's usually because you're feeling disconnected. So it's like a catch-22 there. So you have to get over the hump a little bit, put that investment in, because that turns things around and then it's much easier to address whatever the things are. I wonder if you're hearing a little bit of a pattern here, right, that people might get a little bit ahead of themselves, like trying to address the things before you have the foundation to be able to do it.

Emma Viglucci:

So the connection is huge and what we want to do is put mechanisms in place so that it automates making sure that you connect every day when you create habits, so that you don't have to twist your arms and turn yourself into pretzels trying to figure out times and places to connect, oh, how and when. You build it into your routine so it's automatic and then you don't have to overthink it and make it complicated. It's built in so you automatically create the connection, sustain the connection. Then you only have to worry about building it a little bit like okay, how do we deepen it? How do we make it better? That piece is the fun part. So the connection habits will help you build it into your structure. So it's easy to to stay connected.

Emma Viglucci:

And the reason for that, again, is that now, from that connection you're tapping into your synergy, you're tapping into the greater thing. That's you right. So we have me, you, and then we create the us, and from that place you're much larger. You could handle these things differently, much better, and you have a better experience in your relationship and in your life. So that synergy it's not just that you guys are greater, but you're tapped in. You capitalize on all of your skills, on all your gifts and all of your talents and all of your passions and all of your desires. You are an expanded version of you guys. That is just gorgeousness, like you're just taking your relationship to the next level. But we can't tap into that if we're grinding, if we are disconnected, if we're in a bad place, if we are beating each other up because we're not feeling good or we're not about each other because we're not connected. You see, so you kind of get tripped up From that connected place. You could have those better conversations.

Emma Viglucci:

And then the next piece is what do we need to put in place to create the life, to be good partners in life? Now I'm going to say a little bit more about that in a second, but again I want to highlight that partners in Life is not just, oh, we have a shared life. It's much more than that. We are in this partnership to have a human experience, and how do we have each other's back to make that happen? So we have to get into the nuances of what kind of human are you, what kind of human am I? What do we need to have? This personal human experience that we could do together, that we could support each other in doing, in that that we bring our best selves to that interaction, to the creation, so that we create something bigger to have, so we could have the best grander human experience that we could have. That's the whole point.

Emma Viglucci:

Now, the practical of all of this is that we want to create systems and hopefully I didn't lose you at the word systems. That's not a very popular word for romantical conversations, but just know that that just means how do you guys operate as a couple, how do you run your home, how do you take care of the business of life so that it doesn't become a production and so that you're not overwhelmed or taken over by the running of your business, of your life. And, for those of you who are doing a good job and you, the business of life doesn't overrun you kudos, but know that it's not just about that. It's like how do we do it so that we could have a better, grander experience? So it's not just the basics by the average. It's like let's do this so we could really have had high performance in our personal lives and as a couple and as a relationship. How do we create the best that we can right? Let's not just settle for every day, every day routines and the doings like how can we do it better? So there's a bunch of different things that you can put in place to help you get on the same page around being a strong partnership. Some of these things might sound basic to you. If they are good, you're ahead of the game. But a lot of couples I know because that's what we do we work with couples and a lot of couples don't have these things in place and that's why they're fumbling around and create friction every day with trying to figure out the things Every day. They're trying to crack the codes. That's a lot of work. It doesn't have to be like that. Just put something in place and it has your back. So they share calendar. You could use google calendar or any other calendar that that makes sense for you.

Emma Viglucci:

The shared chores list you could go to our website under the resources staff, metrorelationshipcom forward slash resources. I'm going to put the link in the in the descriptions for you. You could download that. It's like a downloadable sheet where you could put in this all of the chores, all the responsibilities, all the things, and you could assign them. Who does what? So you divide and conquer, as opposed to spinning wheels and figuring stuff out every day and things fall through the cracks and then you create messes in your life and just extra work. And the downloadable is pretty and it's like really practical. You could fill it in, um, you could type into it, you could also. So just print it out and write in by hand whatever flows your boat. But also it comes with a little email sequence to help you how to use it and how to work with it and what to do. So that's a really great thing to to get when we share the responsibilities and the load of life and you bring to your the ones that are yours, your skills and your strengths, and your partner brings to their responsibilities and chores, or whatever, their strengths and know-how and experience.

Emma Viglucci:

Bam, now you're really capitalizing on who. You are right, the two of you could handle the whole thing much better when you are assigned, if you may, to okay, did I take care of these things? You take care of these things. And I'm pausing because I've been thinking some people, some things, that people, some partners, have said to me things like well, I don't want to get stuck doing the laundry all the time. Maybe we swap. You could use this, see however you like, right, you could say let's revisit in a month from now and swap things, see what works, what doesn't work. We could, we could swap the whole thing, redo the whole thing. We just swap some activities, the things that nobody wants to do. We, we outsource. Somehow. We get all the support in the home, you see. So you just have your, your back. Your life should not be about all this tediousness. So you just figure out how to do all that much better. So you free up your energies and your essence for enjoying each other, growing each other, growing yourselves, expanding and having that human experience and creating what you want in this life.

Emma Viglucci:

Now the next thing is having ways of staying on the same page right, so you could have some things that I share with partners is to do a Sunday evening synchronizing meeting, and that's assuming that you have a regular Monday through Friday work schedule, but you pick a time that works for you. Sunday doesn't work, so some people have really weird work schedules. I have a lot of doctors that work with us and they have all kinds of their own color can, all kinds of weird hours. Then, on an ongoing basis, you check in and you say, okay, when is the next meeting? When the next meeting? Inches of work with what you have right, so you use your judgment here, but having some kind of a cadence, either a recurring event that happens all the time at the same time, or a way of making sure that the next thing is scheduled, so you always have this meeting. Now what this meeting does for you is doesn't have to be formal, doesn't have to be rigid, doesn't have to be like oh my gosh, we're having a meeting, right, it doesn't have to be a thing, but it could be a quick way of saying, okay, what does the upcoming week look like? Right, and send anybody out with clients, with business, with traveling.

Emma Viglucci:

What are the kids activities? Do we have any special events? Do we have anything that we need to get on the same page about? Are we expecting bare weather? Are we expecting school closures? Do we have special things happening that requires something extra to be done? Something extra to be done? People who have young children they have this. This is super important for them, because those kindergarten schools and I go to just the teachers just love to give parents more work, right? So, like we have theme pink hair day and we have blue socks day and we have like every day there's a theme and you have to run around figuring out what is the extra things that you need to bring to school that day. And people take this for granted. We don't have young children. So I remember when my daughter was young, holy moly, this was a lot of work, and I hear right now with some of our clients who have young children it's a lot, and so if you create a system for that, then you have your own bags, you see. So you get getting the same page around. Who's covering what, what extra shopping needs to happen, when extra ordering of things needs to happen, who's dropping the kids off, who's picking them up? Right, just so.

Emma Viglucci:

This might sound very basic, but people are winging this every day, like why? Why are you torturing yourselves? Get on the same page at the beginning of the week what does the week look like? And create a plan, and it doesn't have to be written in stone. You could tweak as you go as needed, but at least you know what to expect and how to organize yourself so there is flow and so you're not creating chaos every day, trying to free yourself around and create an extra stress. That's not necessary.

Emma Viglucci:

And the other one that's very common is every current time when you go food shopping, every current time when you do laundry, every current time when you do food prep, every current time when you discuss finances right, like once a month, you should be having a chicken together. Usually we say, okay, saturday morning, so just spend like a cup of coffee and just kind of check in on all of our things. Are we on track with whatever we said we were going to do? Are we expecting new expenses or additional things this month? How do we make up for that. What do we need to tweak and how do we get on the same page Right and again? These things don't have to be super formal, but you have a way of staying on top of it, like some kind of a cadence, so that nothing falls through the cracks. You're on the same page, you're current and you're working together. You're collaborating very easily.

Emma Viglucci:

Then Thursday nights again. If this is assuming you have a regular schedule, on Thursday nights you plan for the weekends. A lot of people wing the weekends and this is when things fall apart. So a little sign out here this one couples have the most fights Friday night, sunday night, going to vacation, coming from vacation, leaving in the morning for work, coming home from work. You see a pattern. These are all transition times. So if you could figure out how to do those things better and have things already mapped out, you will do much better.

Emma Viglucci:

So, for example, thursday night, what do we want the weekend to look like? Do we have any activities planned? Do we have any commitments? If you have children, you usually have a bunch of things, either activities or little kiddie birthday parties and all the things. If you have older children, you might not have as much, or if you don't have children, you might just have your own commitments. And so you think, what are the things? How do we get on the same page? And if we are overbooked, because by default, just things got plugged into the schedule?

Emma Viglucci:

This is when you say, okay, what are the things that we're not going to do, and you clean up your schedule. This is massive. You guys, a lot of you, are so stupid booked Like. When you guys tell me what to do, it's like hmm, what are you doing? Not for nothing, things are crashing. So you look on Thursday okay, what are the things that we have? Let's streamline things. We could send the gift you. I could take this kids to this party, you take the other kids to the other party, or I do these activities. You do those activities like.

Emma Viglucci:

You just figure out how to divide and conquer and how to have downtime, how you have your own personal time and how to have couple time. Tricky as heck, I know, to combine all of those things and cover all of your bases. But that's why you have to be really intentional about how you use your time, because then you can make it happen and you will be much more resourced. You will be connected, you won't be running your kids ragged and you won't be having all this funky business that potentially you have. If you don't do this, then also with that, transition time is to think about. Okay, so how do we do the things? Who's covering what? What do we need for each activity? How do we plan for the things? How do we take care of things? And we figure out from there. Okay, so how do we have each other's backs and how do we make it happen? Right Now, the other thing with this is that we want to cover this from a lot of different angles.

Emma Viglucci:

Like what are the things that might come up? Like what are the things that might get us stuck? And we want to make sure that we get ahead of it. Like, where do we usually fall apart? Right, so if going in a car ride for two hours, everybody's fighting in the car, maybe we need snacks, maybe we need water, maybe we need to make sure that we go potty before we leave, like these are some basic stuff that we forget, right, and then people having all these major blows in the cars and major fights and things crash and burn.

Emma Viglucci:

Just getting ahead of it, like thinking ahead, being proactive. I'm known to be carrying snacks in my purse for many, many years. I only recently stopped doing that, right? So if anybody got hangry when we are doing things, I will always have a snack and make sure that we're covered. Right? So you could think for yourself does that make sense for you? Is that something that you need to be doing Now? The other thing is that that will help you with planning the weekend and transitioning from one thing to the next and making sure that you cover, that you have everything that you need. The other transition is from Sunday to Monday, right. So I already mentioned how do we get on the same page for the upcoming week. But the other thing is that we want to then, at that juncture, say how do we can go? What do we do different next time? How do we get on the same page? How do we make things happen? What are we going to tweak? Right? So just kind of like regrouping debrief get on the same page about stuff. And then, lastly, is how do we close stuff up on the same page? How do we feel tight and together and in good shape so that we launch into the next week, into the week, ready to go.

Emma Viglucci:

Some people might want to at at this point also say for themselves for, like, okay, how do I plan my work week, my outfits, my workflow, my schedule right For themselves personally, for their own work and for their own flow? These are all things that it's like having your future selves back, the couple and yourself as a person. So don't be booking yourself up until all hours of the day and night, because then there's no time to do these things, you see. So don't overbook, don't overschedule. That's huge. The same thing for the mornings how do we get, how do we have our future selves back? We do the morning routine. The night before we plan, we pack up all the bags, we pick up the outfits and all these things.

Emma Viglucci:

Again, this might feel basic, but a lot of people don't do this and they're scrambling around in the morning, starting the day off yelling and screaming, rushing, all the crazy stuff. Why have your own back and you're on the same page with your partner, right? So how do you hand off and how do you leave? And attunement, so that you're on the same page and you're not crashing and burning before the day even started when you re-entry in the evening. Same concept, right? Attunement, check in quick, kind of like hi, honey, I'm here. Kind of look, pick, hello, hi, right, make sure that you connect, even if it takes a few seconds even this is not major things that I'm talking about and at that point, establish, right? So what does the evening routine look like? And when I say that, let me say that a little bit better. You already know what the routine is because you already established it. But you're going to reconnect like, okay, so what do I want the evening to look like? Are there any exceptions? Did anything come out? Are we tweaking anything? You're reinforced, okay, so I'll do this, I'll do that, you'll do this, you'll do the, I'll do the other thing. And you kind of get on the same page about the next few hours, right? So you're always kind of getting ahead Like what's the next chunk of time going to look like? That's the key. That's pretty much what I'm getting at with all of this.

Emma Viglucci:

Same thing for vacations you do all your planning before you're about to leave, maybe a little bit before you're about to leave. You get on the same page. What do we want the trip to look like, the travel to look like? Get on the same page about leaving, how to leave, what to bring, what to pack, what to expect, where to park, like all the basic stuff. People are crushing and burning as you're going right. Think of all these things ahead of time and what do we want the trip to look like? What do we want the vacation to look like? What do we want it to feel like? What is one experience or one thing that I want to do? So if that one thing happened, I feel really satisfied with this trip. What do we want? Especially if you're traveling with children or other family members or group of people, this is even more important because that's when all this stuff happens.

Emma Viglucci:

So all the different personalities and dynamics get in the way there was. The couple gets lost in the shuffle, you're disconnected and then you're grinding right. So then everything is the reason for friction. So how do you create that connection in that couple of times, like build it in there. How do you guys stay in sync and connected while all the other things are happening Huge. And then also on the way back, when we come back, what are we expecting? Right, and you might actually want to do this before you leave for the trip, like okay, when we land, this is how we hit the ground running kind of thing.

Emma Viglucci:

What do we need to set up beforehand delivering food, picking up food, shopping, food shopping, whatever, laundry, like just if you have services for these things, and if you don't, of course I'm not saying that you should right, but just putting the things in place to have your own back so it's easier to transition back into life. The babysitter is already scheduled, like your personal booking appointments is already scheduled. So, like nails, hair, whatever this sounds so spoiled. I'm saying all these things. I'm like, oh gosh, please don't judge me. So our audience is wide. So if this doesn't fit you and you're like, oh my gosh, you're so spoiled, please just take what serves you. If this is not for you, if this is not your lifestyle, apply it to however it applies to you. Okay, um, but the bottom line is, what do I need to put in place? So when I come back back, I'm good to go and I have my own bag and I could just slide right in and all the things are already in place so that I can.

Emma Viglucci:

So also like banging around, like, oh, how do I take care of business? You revisit that and you say, okay, so how are we doing. What do things look like? Anything top of mind that we need to take care of immediately. What do we want things to look like? And you get on the same page, so you're not crushing and burning as soon as you land or as soon as you get back. I think that those are the ones that are really forefront in my mind that I wanted to share with you today.

Emma Viglucci:

So the key with all of this is to be proactive, get ahead of the things, be intentional, have the conversations, be collaborative, put the systems in place, have the cadences in place. So then you're not reinventing the wheel as you're going right, you're designing the experience and the everyday so that, as you're going through, you're removing all the frictions, you're getting ahead of them, you're foreseeing them, you're putting the thing in place to address it before it even happens. Or, if it's something that usually gets you, let's put the thing in place now to finally crack the code on that. That thing's not gonna long, it's not gonna happen anymore. I get ahead of it. So, if this is the thing that happens all the time, what do I need to put in place to finally remove this thing? That's huge, right. And then, having that intentionality for the things that I put in place will give me the flavor that I want for my life, for my lifestyle, for how we create, for what we want to create, what we want to experience, and as we're bumping or as we're having friction, or as we are putting the things in place, whatever comes up that will help us learn each other, understand each other more, stretch to meet each other and in all of that we're healing and we're growing right. So these are all opportunities for growth and to become a better human, a better self, and to set up the thing so that we can have an easier go of the journey and have that grand experience that we're after.

Emma Viglucci:

Okay, so practical takeaways have a thought on what is the attraction between myself and my partner? What are the like, aside from, like, the usual answer that we would give? Go a little deeper, right? What are we co-creating here? What are the patterns, how? How are, how is my husband's things for me? How are my things for him? How do they make us stretch so that we could expand and show up differently and become a bigger whole when we combine and also alone? So that thought.

Emma Viglucci:

The next thing is what do we want to experience, create, live, what kind of journey we want to have. Have a thought about that. And then, thirdly, have a talk. Share these things. These are just really wonderful things to share together. This will create a deeper, more meaningful connection. So when people are saying, like, well, how do I deepen my connection, I don't know, like this so, having a thought about these things and then sharing it with each other and exploring it and being open and playing and playfully just massage the things so that you could get better and better at all of these things Gosh, that's meaningful. That is the meat of the life, right? This is how we create the life that we want. It's not about all of the cars and the achievements and all the accolades. It's this, it's cracking the codes about life and us. That gives things meaning. So that's the third part. Have that conversation, and in that conversation you're going to talk about all of the practicals, right? So how to collaborate, the schedule, the shared responsibilities, intentionality, the different meetings, the different touch points, so that you could have that flow in all of the things that you want to experience.

Emma Viglucci:

Okay, my loves, thank you so much for being here. As usual, I'm going to grab some resources. I'm going to put them in the description so that you could explore these things on your own, and the one that's coming to mind right now is the shared responsibilities one. So I'm going to put that in the show notes and then I'll hook you up with some other ones that come to mind as I put that together for you. So check that out. And, lastly, I would love it if you could give this a five-star review. So go to Apple Podcasts, please, and I would love it to. I would love it if you could give us that five-star review, if you enjoy this and if you got any benefit from it at all today. Thank you so much for watching, for listening, and I will see you at the next one. Bye.

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Emma K Viglucci, LMFT

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