How to Let Go of Mental, Emotional and Behavioral Patterns – Emma Solo (Ep.35)

In today’s episode, Emma reviews the Reset Patterns Formula™ (AKA: The Fuel Equation). Through this powerful framework we can reset our mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns. Emma shares the difference between the reactive vs the responsive cycle. And walks us through what each looks like and who to work with them. She shows us how to identify the patterns that keep us stuck in each aspect of the equation. And she also walks us through how to reprogram them to free ourselves form repeating hurting and sabotaging patterns. This is a whole process in itself. An episode not to be missed!    

Hope you enjoy it! 

*Visit the Episode’s Page for the Video, related article, info about the guest, other resources AND to get our FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!  

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DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of the host’s.

Chapters

• 0:56 How Programming Drives Us
• 3:17 Reactive Level - Thinking
• 9:05 Reactive Level - Feeling
• 13:17 Reactive Level - Behaving
• 19:42 Responsive Level - Thinking
• 28:29 Responsive Level - Feeling (Resources And Important Note About The Model)
• 33:39 Responsive Level - Behaving
• 37:25 Recap
• 38:45 Interesting Takeaway and Plan

Transcript

Emma Viglucci: 0:34

Hello, lovelies, welcome to another episode. I am so excited for today's topic. I'm going to be covering how to do a spring reset, meaning how do we reprogram and let go of all the things that no longer serve us so that we could really set ourselves up for a new beginning and a refresh and a fresh start. So the way that I want to present this topic for you today is that I'm going to share with you what I call the fuel equation. Now, this concept is not necessarily new the framework itself but I've added a bunch of different layers and different concepts to it to make it richer so that we could really use it for a transformative process. Now, the basics of it is that thoughts lead to feelings, lead to actions. I'm going to show you how we can reprogram each of those areas so that you can get rid of all the layers, all of the fences, all of the patterns that are holding you back, so that you can rocket, launch into your new beginning. So this fuel equation will help us either rocket forward or this fuel is going to just explode and crash us and we're not going to get where we want to go. We're going to use this formula to our benefit, so that we could have our own back and do the deprogramming, deconditioning, the patterning, so that we get rid of all the things that keep us down, mute us, cover our brilliance, hold us back from our highest potential. Okay, so, without further ado, this is what we're going to do.

Emma Viglucci: 2:15

First, I'm going to share about thoughts. Why are they important? What kind of thoughts hold us back, and what do we need to do there to clean that up so that then the rest of the formula operates cleaner? So I'm going to talk about how each of these areas can be dirty or laden with things that don't serve us, and then how to clean up each area so that you have the fuel equation working for you, in your favor. Okay, so this is the part of the formula, the way that we usually do it, that doesn't really work. Okay, so this is the part that when we get triggered, there's like an automatic ripple effect. A trigger happens and this thing cascades and we could be very triggered and nothing good comes of it. So I'm going to show you how that happens. Or something could happen and we could be in a different place and then a different ripple effect happens. So I'm going to walk you through both processes the trigger version and the more intentional, conscious version. Okay, so this is the trigger version, the thoughts.

Emma Viglucci: 3:22

The thoughts can be, as we know, pretty unruly, right Our mind, if we're not in charge of it, can run the show and create some havoc if we are not guiding it or if we're not in charge of it. So we could have things like distorted thoughts, things like personalization, over-identification, blaming, projecting, over-generalizing, black and white thinking, like all those kinds of things. There is a few it's like about 12 of them that sometimes if we start paying attention, we will see that, oh, our thinking is pretty dirty. This has like a lot of distorted thinking, like a lot of ways that we're not neat in our thinking process. So we're going to watch out for those.

Emma Viglucci: 4:11

Then we have things like limiting beliefs. Those have to do with programs that got installed by the way we were parented, raised and just by cultural norms that are really limited, like they hold us back, they inform what we believe is acceptable, doable, reasonable, and this is not even that conscious. I said that we believe, but we don't, really we don't sometimes we don't even know that these things are running in the background, right, a lot of times we don't, that these things are subconscious. So part of this process today is to help you bring these things forward so you can recognize, like, oh, I actually don't think I'm lovable, or that I'm worthy of love, or that I could get love, or that I could trust that I'm going to get love, like that kind of stuff. Like it's so ingrained we don't even realize it Logically, we know better, right, but somewhere there's a program there that is playing out, and this is the things that we want to root out and get rid of with this new season. This is the things that we want to root out and get rid of with this new season. So those limiting beliefs and they could be about anything. They could be about marriage, they could be about intimacy, sexual intimacy. They could be about food, they could be about money, they could be about the world, about politics, about what's possible, about success, about achievements, about our capabilities, about our body, like about anything right. And so it would be important for us to go through the list and say what is my programming? What do I believe about all the things, what is really sitting there? So I'm going to walk you through a process as we go, so for now I'm just showing you the different things that are sitting there. So so far we had the distorted thoughts, we had the limiting beliefs.

Emma Viglucci: 6:04

Then we have negativity bias. Negativity bias is a survival mechanism that is built into the way that our brain is wired to protect us from danger. Because we live in a much more modern world nowadays we don't have nature coming at us to eat us, we're not food for prehistoric animals and therefore we don't have the same danger that we used to have once upon a time. And the dangers now are more in our head or we have more modern kind of concerns, but they're not really life-threatening, and so we want to make sure that we clean that up. Whatever lens we have running that makes us see things from a negative angle, from a cautious angle, from a distrust angle, from a protective angle, right when we assume the worst and we expect the worst. That's the negativity bias.

Emma Viglucci: 7:04

This shows up so much in relationship, where we make the assumptions that our partner's out to get us or we assign motives to them, like everything that they do is to hurt us or to annoy us or to get on our nerves, right, so we might not think that logically, we might not be aware that we might be thinking that at some level, that we've taken things personally, or that we are assuming that they did something on purpose. A lot of times they don't. Sometimes they do. I mean, you know, like I'm not going to claim that our partners are perfect, but a lot of times we make assumptions and we assign negative motives to our partner. That's one of the simplest things that I could kind of share how this plays out, but it shows up everywhere, so something to keep in mind. And then we have scripts. We have narratives right, the stories that we tell about our history, our story, our background, who we are, what we're capable of, what we're not capable of, all the things that we believe. Our story, our background, who we are, what we're capable of, what we're not capable of, all the things that we believe the story about our relationship and our partner, how things are, why things are the way they are, who our partner is. We have all the stories right. So there's a bunch of categories in this, just in thinking that play out, and a lot of them we might not be aware of. So again, I'm going to repeat them, list them, so that you know which of these, potentially you have to play with and clean up. So, again, we have distorted thoughts, we have limiting beliefs, we have a negativity bias and we have scripts and narratives and stories. So that's a lot of if that's the only thing I share with you today. That's a lot of work in and of itself, right, but I'm going to walk you through the rest of this equation how we do it wrong, how it gets us, and then from the trigger place and then the intentional and conscious version of this and processes and little things that you could do to get from the reactive to the intentional and conscious and responsive version. Okay, so now we're going to move on to the next level of the fuel equation.

Emma Viglucci: 9:11

The next one is feelings. Now, with feelings. People sometimes have a hard time with feelings. The feelings are the enemy, right? We live in a world where we value logic, we value masculine characteristics, we value the data, the data points, information, the numbers, the logic as we know it and all that kind of stuff. We devalue intuition, creativity, creativity is kind of moving to the other side, thank goodness. Creativity is kind of moving to the other side, thank goodness. But feelings, expression and just being our feelings and just showing up with the internal world, that part it is so rich in, probably the most important thing that we have, because those inform our experience. The thoughts that we have, all that thing that we talked, all the different ways that we think and that things are running in our minds that we talked about, inform how we feel right. Those things create the feelings. This is why it's an equation Thoughts lead to feelings.

Emma Viglucci: 10:18

The feelings create our state, why it's an equation Thoughts lead to feelings. The feelings create our state of being, our experience, how we're doing right, how we're feeling. We tend to minimize that and put it to the side or squash it or dismiss it or not pay attention to it. We push through, like, whatever we're feeling. We're like, eh like, bury it right and keep moving, and we're doing ourselves. We're like, eh like, bury it right and keep moving. And we're doing ourselves a disservice.

Emma Viglucci: 10:42

Because the feelings are a way for us to know how we're doing and they are a GPS, if you may. They guide us in terms of like we're going the right way or the wrong way, if we should trust somebody or not trust somebody, if, in the presence of somebody, we're feeling icky. That's information. Feelings carry information. They're messengers, right? So if we learn how to translate different feelings, then we know what the message is. And then the feeling that it's job and he's able to write through, because now we could take care of whatever the message was.

Emma Viglucci: 11:15

You see, now in the trigger state, the feelings that come up are usually things that got triggered from childhood, from wounds, right? So the feelings that you're feeling are probably very familiar. These are things that keep playing out underneath somewhere, that are rooted in things that happened growing up, that got programmed earlier on. Okay, I'm just going to explain it quickly and I'm going to move on. I'm not going to make it too psychobubbly. So the feelings then carry this information, whether it's old information or information from the moment when we're triggered. It's kind of old stuff. Just know that Our job is to say, okay, what is the message here? Regardless if it's old, if it's new, what is the message? What is this feeling showing me? What do I need to do to feel better? Right, in a nutshell, so here our job is to be aware of the feelings. Feelings are not bad. Even the ones that don't make us feel good are good, because they're carrying information that we need. And so, as soon as we tend to it. Things feel better, things alleviate.

Emma Viglucci: 12:27

So we have the thoughts that lead to the feelings. The negative thoughts lead to negative feelings, right? Or crooked thoughts and all the funky things that we do with the things that I talked about, for thoughts lead to triggered kind of feelings not feeling good or feelings that don't feel so good. These feelings have to do with things like anxiety, depression, worry, nervousness, just kind of like the feelings that are kind of like intense and negative and reactive. Reactive is the word I'm looking for, so frustration, anger, being annoyed, like those kinds of feelings. It's feelings that are kind of more reactionary at the reactivity level. So crooked thoughts air quotes crooked feelings, right. So feelings that kind of feel out of control a little bit and that have like that edge to it and they're just reactive.

Emma Viglucci: 13:18

Then we're gonna move on to the next level of this field equation, which is behaviors and actions. So we have thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to behaviors. How we are feeling is what we're going to do. If we're feeling great, we do great things. If we're feeling not so good, we don't do so good things, and what I mean by that is we might reach for the drinks, the food retail therapy, the acting out, the being short with people, impatient, like just behaviors that don't serve us.

Emma Viglucci: 18:31

So not very good self-care and just reactivity in interactions and in a speech and in the way that we do things, the actions, the choices that we make, right. So don't think so good, don't feel so good, don't act so good. In a nutshell. So that's the reactivity version of this. So we get triggered and if we haven't done much work and, depending on what state we are in, sometimes we have done work and the trigger comes and we still operate from this level. And I just want to say that the more work that we do, the easier it is not to get triggered and be at this reactive level. Right, but it still happens to the best of us.

Emma Viglucci: 19:17

So the point here is that we want to do some of this work so we're less reactive and we can operate from that more responsive level that takes care of things more smoothly and takes care of us and we're able to operate more seamlessly, with more joy, with more ease, less reactive, and create the things that we desire in life. The top level again is a reactive. Now we're going to move down to the lower level If we do that deeper work, we reset this and then, when we get triggered, we could operate from a better place. All right, so what does it look like from the responsive level?

Emma Viglucci: 19:55

What this means is that we're going to do all of that mindset work. We're going to clean up the limiting beliefs. We're going to address fears I didn't even break up fears before, but those are usually in there just things that we worry about or that we are afraid of, the distorted thoughts. We're going to reprogram this negativity bias. We're going to clean up our scripts and our stories. So there's a lot of different things that we could do here. When we reprogram that now something happens, a trigger happens or something, an event happens that normally would trigger us. If we're a little cleaner in our program, in our filter, we might not think that our partner is doing it on purpose to get us right. We might recognize that maybe they're having a hard day, that maybe something is happening for them, that maybe they have a need or they could be really reactive and behaving really poorly. But doesn't have to kick our butt right. We could still address it properly because we are solid and we didn't allow all the noise in our head and all the funky filters to inform how we think of what's happening.

Emma Viglucci: 21:03

So some clues as to, or some suggestions on, how to do this cleaning up. Okay, I'm going to walk you through how to clean some of this stuff up. The first thing that you're going to do is go through your mind around your beliefs in all categories of life money, body, sex, intimacy, connection, love, marriage, marriage, finances, children, parenting, keeping home, hygiene, whatever, like just anything that you could think of, right? Divide a piece of paper in two, write down categories of different types of thoughts. Grab a bunch of thoughts that you might have about that category so relationship, family, finances, career, success, like things like that. So make categories and then grab the thoughts that you have about that category. So that's what you can do in one column.

Emma Viglucci: 21:56

In the next column, you're going to challenge those thoughts, right, you're going to write what's not true about that, like that's, you know, like, okay, I think I can't trust anybody. Is that true? Not really, right? So you're going to really get discerning here. Don't allow the scripts to still keep playing. You're going to step back from your scripts and really be discerning about what's reality and what's a construction, and so you're going to clean all of them up and when you do this, be really intentional, like set the tone, set the mood, put your candle on, put your soft music on, be in the proper state of mind to go deep and grab all the stuff that's sitting there. Don't just do a superficial run through, because you might not grab the things that are sitting there and you're cheating yourself of the process of the opportunity to clean stuff up. All right, so go as deep as you can.

Emma Viglucci: 22:48

And a way to go deep is to say, okay, what do I believe about marriage? Is that really true? What else do I believe? What else do I believe? What else do I believe? Do I believe that marriage takes away my freedom or do I believe that marriage is a partnership to have an amazing human experience? An amazing human experience, right? So you could grab your beliefs about the concepts and then you're going to analyze them on the other column and flush them out, clean them up what's the word I'm looking for? Deconstruct them. You're going to reprogram them. This is how you reprogram. You're going to grab all the things, go as deep as you can, be honest and truthful and vulnerable. Get to the bottom of the things. That's marriage means self-sacrifice, right? So just what's sitting there for you. And then, on the other column, clean it up as best as you can and make it more reality based and I say that lightly, because what is reality? So I'm not going to get philosophical with this, we're just going to keep it practical. You can make it reality-based Like no, that's not really true. This is how I choose now to look at marriage. This is how I want to believe in marriage, or what marriage means, let's say, for example so you're going to make it more reality-based, more informed from the things that you know, that you've learned, that you're growing into, and choose a new belief, right, isn't this powerful? So that's the way to address the limiting beliefs. You could do the same thing with scripts, with stories, and with scripts and with stories.

Emma Viglucci: 24:27

The negativity bias it takes over more. For that one and for the distorted thoughts, you have to be the police of your own mind. The negativity bias it's easier in that when you have the thoughts that are based on negativity, like that, you won't feel good. See, this is how the feeling is informed too. So you have like it's not going to feel right feelings informed too. So you have like it's not going to feel right. So just listen to your body, listen to what comes up, and that will let you know that what you think is probably not right.

Emma Viglucci: 25:07

What and that's one way to be like okay, let me check that Is that a bias, is that something that it just run to, that I'm making an assumption and I'm assigning a negative motive, and you catch yourself right and you bring and you and you clean it up and you give your partner some credit and some grace and some leeway. And they're also on a journey. They're also not perfect, but we have to watch the assumptions that have our flavor, like the things are for us and they're being done to us Now, also whether it's intentional or unintentional. Sometimes we know that our partner is not doing something intentionally, but we're like they're doing this thing, even if they don't know that they're doing it. They're still doing it to me. But are they really doing that thing intentionally or not? Or are we looking at it that way, right? So that's how you clean up the negativity bias.

Emma Viglucci: 25:56

You might want to just make a commitment to watching your mind and the assumptions that you're making and the things that you're assigning, the motives that you're assigning, or you could do a full-on exercise and just write it down. When you write it down, one way to do this is to review a past, a recent past either argument or disagreement, or hurt, or something that happened and process it through this filter, right? So run it through and pull out all this stuff that you're like Ooh, that's, I chose to look at it that way, I chose to look at that that way, I chose to look at that that way. But be honest, right, this is hard, this is not easy to find. This is why we have therapy. So see if you can find these things on your own. Okay, this is the whole point.

Emma Viglucci: 26:33

And then the next one is distorted thoughts. And just look at the different ways that, the distorted thoughts that you're aware of let me put it that way because I don't have anything handy to give you and to list all the different kinds of negative, um, distorted thoughts, but the ones that you know over overgeneralizing, personalization, black and white thinking, just the ones that you might be familiar with. See if you catch yourself, you could do a little research on your own or just reach out, and then we could hook you up with some resources that we have internally for this, so that you could do this one too and catch your distorted thinking. See what patterns of thought you usually have that get you, that hold you back, and same concept you've been like well, no, that's not true. That's not true. Right, you're gonna put your discernment in place, your awareness. You're gonna clean yourself up. Bam, you guys play there and be intentional about it, because when you're intentional, you could just knock it out right and then in. You just keep going through different rounds of this, but you'll be much better for it. For the first round, you'll clean out a lot of gunk and then you just do tune-ups as you go and then you keep getting better and better and being clean and conscious. That's how you do the mindset shifts and the thoughts cleaning. If you do this, you're really having your own back and taking care of business. Okay, so that's how you move from reactive thinking and funky thinking. That's not going to lead to anything good. I usually call this getting yourself on a train and taking a ride or adding more wood to your own fire Not good things. So we're going to get off that and we're going to go to the lower level or to a deeper level, I should say, and from that deeper level, we're going to do all this cleaning up and we're going to empower ourselves. We're going to get more sturdy, more grounded, more solid and we're going to be more who we really are and not all this noise that we have in our heads. All right, perfect, the All right perfect.

Emma Viglucci: 28:30

The next one is feelings, and with feelings, I kind of alluded to this before when I was describing the purpose of feelings, that they give us messages in our internal GPS. Yes, but the way to work with this is that you say to yourself okay, what am I feeling? Usually, the feelings will be reactive if you're in a triggered state, and then you check with yourself okay, so those are the reactive feelings Anger, pissed off, annoyed, frustrated, whatever all the things that we might feel when we're not in a good state Stress, overwhelm, worry, all those kind of things. So then you say to yourself okay, what's underneath that? And you go to more vulnerable feelings. So I like to do this visual Like imagine there is like a barrier or a wall here protecting your heart, and from the wall forward is all the reactionary feelings, from the wall in is all the vulnerable feelings, and so we want to connect with the vulnerable feelings From the wall in is all the vulnerable feelings, and so we want to connect with the vulnerable feelings.

Emma Viglucci: 29:33

When you're not in a good state, think about what am I feeling. And so, again, for this, you could either do a search online for feelings wheels to help you identify feelings and we also have a bunch of resources for this in our membership, if you're part of our membership. And also one more thought for if you're part of our membership, and also one more thought for if you're part of our membership for the thoughts, we have all of the masterclasses, the deep dives, the tools, the handouts. We have all of the things, so I didn't think about offering it If you're already working with us. All that stuff is available to you to help you do the reprogramming with the thoughts and the mindsets, and also for this feelings piece, we do have all of the tools here for this as well, so you could go deep into the emotional reprogramming as well. All the patterns, all the wounds, all this stuff. So that's all available for you. Also, in deep dives, masterclasses, workshops, tools, we have a feelings handout so it gives you all the messages, all the translations, how to identify all the feelings, how feelings work, all that kind of stuff. If you don't have access, then you can do your own search online for that.

Emma Viglucci: 30:33

And then, once you know what your feelings are, you're going to go from the reactive ones to the vulnerable ones, and then the vulnerable ones. You're going to say, okay, where do these feelings, how do these feelings feel familiar? Do they come from something in the past? Now, this is where we're going really deep here, guys. This is like a whole process. Do they come from somewhere? From growing up? And usually if you're really, really triggered and you connect to something really vulnerable, they do right, those are the wounds that are getting triggered.

Emma Viglucci: 31:01

Our job well, actually, two things. So that's one thing that could happen. The other thing is you could just be having a feeling and, regardless, you're gonna say let me translate this feeling into a need. So if I'm feeling lonely, sad, alone, disconnected, what do I need? I need love, connection, attention, affection, potentially right. So you do that for yourself, like, what is the feeling? Translate it into what you need, and then, when you work on getting those needs met, the first thing then is to identify the feelings, translate them into needs and as soon as you do that, the feeling that it's job, the message has been received, and it's like you feel much better. It's like almost immediate right, as soon as you identify what the need is. The feeling's like okay, she knows what the need is. Perfect. Makes the assumption that you're going to get the need met, if you may. So we're going to talk about that once we get to the behaviors and actions piece in the next part of the field equation. But for now, job well done, right. So what are the feelings? Translate them into needs Perfect.

Emma Viglucci: 32:17

And that's how we manage the feelings. That's one part of that. The other part that plays out in here is that we want to self-regulate and we want to moderate ourselves and self-soothe right. So with the feelings also, that goes along with that identification of what they are. Part of it is like giving ourselves the messages that we are okay and doing all the practices that would help us feel okay while we receive the message translated and then we take action towards getting those needs met. Okay. So that leads us.

Emma Viglucci: 32:49

Then it drives us into the next phase of this field equation, and I want to make a distinction here, or a note that, even though there's three parts thoughts lead to feelings, lead to behaviors that they're not so concrete, right? So, as you notice, as I'm speaking, there's a little bleed over from thoughts. When I was talking about thoughts, I said, well, you will feel yucky, so you will know, right, so there's a little bit of bleed over there. Now, as I'm talking about feelings, I'm saying, well, you will do practices to kind of soothe yourself. That's a little bit of behavior. So they're not so distinct the categories, but having a model helps us better understand what we're doing and how to set ourselves up to take care of ourselves. So just know, if it doesn't feel so clean and so discreet the things that you're doing, it's okay. Okay, so now the next level.

Emma Viglucci: 33:41

We are talking about behavior and action. That's the last part of the field equation. And with behavior and action, when we're dirty, like I was saying before, you're like a boy in a china shop not taking care of yourself. You're probably doing all the wrong things. You're actually hurting yourself and you're reactive in your relationships and in your situations and you're not helping yourself. You're not having your own back. When we're more intentional, when we go to this deeper place and we're more conscientious and conscious and aware and intentional, from here we put all the different things in place to have our own back right. So some of the things that go here are the practices that I was talking about. That's the actionable part around that. So you would have practices like mindfulness practices, self-care practice, self-love practice.

Emma Viglucci: 34:31

If you look on our blog, I have a whole series of things around self-love and how. That includes four aspects for taking care of ourselves from this angle. So we have self-honoring, we have self-management, we have self-care and we have self-connection and in those four areas we really have our own back in making sure that we're who we are and we're becoming more and more who we are, and not necessarily working around with all the masks and the programs and all of the things that we might have that mask our radiance and impede us, keep us back rather, from having our most beautiful human experience and that best relationship with our partner. So you can play with that self-love practice or other practices, whatever practices you have spiritual practices, self-care practices, anything in your repertoire to self-soothe, self-regulate, take care of yourself in all the different ways so that you're healthy and strong and beautiful and amazing. So that's one thing. The other thing is putting in place wellness habits into your daily routine to help you do those things. And connection habits to help you connect with your partner and with other loved ones. And success habits to help you take care of your life and take care of the things and achieve the things and create the life that you want to create. You see? So that's all the practical stuff.

Emma Viglucci: 35:59

Now, here, one of the most important things is to go back to. We translated the feelings into needs. Now we're going to be super intentional. Aside from all those practices and habits and things that we're going to put in place, we're going to be super intentional. Aside from all those practices and habits and things that we're going to put in place, we're going to be super intentional about meeting those needs. So if I need that connection, if that's one of my needs of course we always have that need as a human right but if that's what's getting triggered and I really need to be intentional about that, then I'm going to be very mindful of the connection habits that I'm putting in place. So it takes care of that in a deeper level that I might need at this moment in time. We always want to have connection habits anyway, so that enriches our relationship. That's part of our creating our awesome relationship and partnership with our husband or wife or partners. But we want to take this to the next level. If that's the thing that we're targeting, some of the things we might be working on is peace, relaxation, not being stressed out, having more harmony, more ease, more flow. So then we will focus more on the wellness practices. They will have flavors related to that need you see.

Emma Viglucci: 37:08

So when you get to the behaviors in action place, you would put things in place that address the other things that preceded it from the fuel equation. So you would address your emotions, your state of being, your needs, so that you take care of yourself. All right, isn't that amazing? So we have the whole fuel equation there. We have the reactivity at the surface level, at the thought level, at the feeling level and at the behavior level. At the thought level, we have all the crookedness in our mind. At the emotional level, we're all dysregulated and all funky, not reactive. At the behavior level, we're acting out and we're doing funny business and we're not taking care of ourselves. When we go deeper, we clean up all that thinking, we deconstruct, we deprogram and we repattern the thoughts. We clean ourselves up so we have a better filter. At the feelings level, we self-soothe, we self-regulate and we connect to the deeper feelings and the wounds so that we can take care of them. And at the behavioral level, we put things in place to have our own back and to help us have the best experience that we want to have.

Emma Viglucci: 38:18

Now the next thing that happens is that we want to make sure that we work with this equation. We have a top of mind. What's beautiful about it is that then you can move around from the behavior place and this is interesting and this is a circle. It connects back to the thoughts. So this is the tricky part. Usually people say the equation in this way that I said it. Some people might start with the feelings place, but that's just a different way of looking at things. But for this conversation, thoughts leads to feelings, lead to behaviors and back to thoughts. So the things that we do also fuel or reinforce our thinking. Isn't this tricky? And so at the end of the day, we could really start the equation at any place that we want. We could start with our behaviors and we could change our behaviors, and then we'll loop around. We could start with the feelings and if we take care of our feelings and self-regulate the whole circle. It trickles, it ripples to the whole circle and we could start with the thoughts. That's usually the easiest way to the easiest thing and the most powerful, because once we clean up that filter, it's easy for the other things to trickle. It's harder from the other places to trickle through the whole circle. It's a little slower, in my opinion. So that's where we usually start with the thinking Okay, super, super powerful, don't underestimate the power of feelings.

Emma Viglucci: 39:39

That's where the juice is, and this is the thing that usually in this culture tends to be minimized and squashed and disregarded. You know, unfortunately, that's where the vitality is, that's where the fuel for connection is, that's where the meat of our experience is. That is like just super powerful. So let's, please, let let's not disregard that. Those are powerful. They filter everything, they create the feelings. The feelings are the fuel, right, they create the experience and they inform the action. So well, you know what they're all important.

Emma Viglucci: 40:19

We could work at all the levels. So see what resonates for you, what feels right for you, where you want to start, where you want to focus on. There's a lot of work here, so it doesn't have to be challenging, it doesn't have to be intense, it doesn't have to be too much, it doesn't have to be nutty. Just pick one of the areas. What kind of resonated the most to you right now? What feels that is the most out of whack right now for you? Is your mind going nuts? Are you really emotional? Are you really acting out Right? So see what's the thing that feels the funkiest, that might need the most love, and start there.

Emma Viglucci: 40:52

Don't try to tackle all these things at once. I always say that let's not overwhelm ourselves further, let's not make things more difficult. When you tackle the things at once, it's overwhelming, it floods. So pick one of the areas. When you pick the area, then you want to dive in. When you pick the area, then you want to dive in right. Then you want to see okay, this is the area that I'm working on. Let me see what angle I want to work it from. What resources do I need? What do I need to do?

Emma Viglucci: 41:36

Please create a setup, a moment where you could be protected from distractions, where you could be with yourself, go deep, be present and grab all the things that need tending and and do the the reef shaping right, the deep programming. So, with the thoughts. You already give you a bunch of practices with the feelings. You're going to sit you could journal, sit, feel journal to identify the things and then to translate them. And with the actions, you might want to list out different habits, different things, different practices and different things that you want to put in place and then take action, implement them into your calendar, into your routines. Have conversations with your partner, share your insights, implement things together. Some things are more personal, some things are more family or relational or lifestyle, right. So then just put your heads together to collaborate there and that's how you start your new beginning. You're going to clear the slate, you're going to get rid of all the junk, you're going to deprogram all kinds of things. You're going to be very intentional about how to take care of yourself going forward, and that translates into how you connect with your partner, how you relate to your partner, how you look at things, how you show up the things that you put in place, so that you really have your own back, your relationships back, your partner's back and your life's back, so you create the life that you want. So all of this would totally support the springtime, the letting go and the planting the seeds for new beginnings. You're going to really be ready to create what you desire. All right, my loves.

Emma Viglucci: 43:03

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out. I'm going to put resources in the description box. I'll hook you up as much as I can. I'll see what we have available that you could just grab for free and play and take care of yourself. And, of course, the membership and private work with us is always available. Feel free to look on our website for what we offer. I'll put some links in the description as well. If this resonates, we could help you take care of this business and help you get started with your new beginning. Thank you so much for watching, for listening. Feel free to let me know what resonated the most. What area you're going to be working on, I would love to know, and if you have any questions. Thank you so much. I will see you at the next one. Bye.