Successful Relationship with Emma

8 PreMarital Topics to Discuss Before You Say YES – Emma Solo (Ep.37)

• Emma Viglucci • Episode 37

Share episode

In today’s episode, Emma shares her proven framework for helping couples get ready to get married, and stay happily married. She gives a thorough overview of 8 premarital topics and practical take aways for couples considering a long-term commitment with each other.  

These are topics that should be explored to ensure partners are compatible, get on the same page, and align for getting started on a successful relationship path. 

This is a must listen for couples considering moving in together, getting engaged, planning a wedding, recently married, and even for couples who feel a bit of friction in their relationship and are not sure how to sync up. The topics apply to young and even mature partners. 

A must listen if you want lasting love!

Hope you enjoy it!  

 

*Visit the Episode’s Page for the Video, related article, info about the guest, other resources AND to get our FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STAY CONNECTED:
Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn | X | Pinterest | YouTube

DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of the host’s.



Emma Viglucci:

Hello, lovelies, and welcome to another episode. I am so excited for today's topic. We're covering premarital topics. The reason for this idea is that couples usually, when they make a higher level of commitment whether they start thinking about a long-term relationship like life commitment, moving in together, getting engaged and getting married they start bumping around how to do life together life commitment, moving in together, getting engaged and getting married. They start bumping around how to do life together and what it means to have a joint life at the end of the day. And so this particular topic that I'm going to share with you today will help couples at those stages of life cover these topics so that when they start making this higher level of commitment, they can get on the same page more easily, they can make sure that they're compatible along these things. As the relationship progresses and as they're making that commitment, they could fine tune their expectations and their desires and their needs and their wishes and what they want more specifically, so they could co-create the relationship and the life that they wanted together. So this program came about from working with so many couples around getting ready to get married and bumping around these topics. So I came up with eight specific topics that I'm going to share with you today and in this topic we're going to share with you today and in this topic we're going to go through, what are the things that you should be considering, what are the things that you should be talking about, Make sure that you're on the same page about, and if you're not, what are the things to consider to get on the same page right? So, like, what do you need to do to actually move forward from a similar vision and desire so that you don't hit roadblocks later and make life more difficult? Just so that you know, the first year of moving in together or being married.

Emma Viglucci:

Sometimes it's the same thing Some people get married moving together. Some people move in together first and then they get married, and some people have been living together and then they get married moving together. Some people moving together first and then they get married, and some people have been living together and then they get married. Regardless of all those combinations, that transition, or any of those transitions, imply challenges. The hardest one is getting married, moving in together at the same time. That's just like very shocking, but just know that, regardless of all the combinations, you will still hit these bumps and people who move in together first and then get married, think that they're ahead of the game. You might be, because you've already covered some of these things, but the problem with that is that you establish these things from not having a lifetime commitment with each other and now you have to undo and reset things. It could be more challenging at the end of the day, because you're setting your ways and now you have to redo things, potentially depending on what you did.

Emma Viglucci:

So there's no right or wrong way. It's just a matter of knowing okay, what are our choices, what are we choosing to do, what's our preference, and just know that with your choices come things with them. And then how do you have your own backs right? So how do you set yourself up properly, regardless of what choices you're making? So I'm going to cover the topics as things that you're supposed to know and get on the same page about as you're going.

Emma Viglucci:

And if you've already established these things because you already live together and they might not be working for you or you might experience later that they get upside down a little bit, the wish here is that you don't have that actually. So let me say that differently. The wish is that if you live together and these things are not working and you're considering a higher level of commitment, that you address that, or they might be working, but it's still worth a conversation because you might have a different idea of what happens when you do get married. You see, that's what gets people Okay. So, in a nutshell, this eight topics survey regardless of how you're doing things, what choices you make and which things you do first, overall you should still have conversations around these templates and get on the same page about them.

Emma Viglucci:

How are things now and how you want them to be once you're married, or have the higher level of full life commitment kind of thing? So that, even if you're okay now, you want to make sure that, hmm, it's how we're doing things now, but we want to still keep doing. You see, because you might be working now, because you set up things this particular way, because you're just living together, but then you're married, and then what right, you might have different ideas of what to expect around these things once you're married. And so, even if they're working and still have the conversation, explore them and start resetting things or know that once you get married, you're going to be doing something different and you can start preparing for it. Okay, so I'm going to start going through the topics and as I go, I'm going to give you as much practical things as possible insights, mindset shifts, what usually trips people up just as many things as I could think of to offer you. So this really hooks you up. And just know that if you're struggling making a decision for a higher level of commitment, if one of you is dragging your feet, or if you know you want to be together but you're struggling and creating doubts, or you're going through the motions and you're struggling, you're like, oh my gosh, it shouldn't be this difficult. Maybe we shouldn't do this Like any, any thoughts along those lines that's creating doubt or that's making you struggle a little bit. Please don't struggle alone. We're here to support you. If you need support, we will help you go through the topics. We will do the relationship dynamics things. We will do all the things that you need to make sure that you set yourselves up for a smooth start to your life together. And if you haven't decided that that's what you want together yet, to help you decide if this is what you want or not, all right, just to let you know we're here for you if you need that, okay.

Emma Viglucci:

So the first one, the topic one is boundaries and peace of mind. So this one has to do with cultivating appropriate boundaries expectations for yourselves, with your own self, with each other and with other people. So this is highly important because a lot of times we have very flimsy boundaries and we create messes. So, for example, we might not have good boundaries with ourselves, meaning that we're not accountable for our actions, our behaviors, our routines, our lifestyle, the choices that we make, how we run our life. And I'm pausing for a second because you'll see that this actually shows up in all of the other topics. That's why I started with this one. So, as I was saying that, I'm thinking yeah, that might show up in how you do your finances. That might show up in how you take care of yourself. That might show up how you do chores. That might show up with if you're able to hold a job, or what kind of job you have. It shows up in your friendships. It shows up everywhere, right? So that's why this is topic number one.

Emma Viglucci:

So what you want to do is, first of all, start with yourself. Do I honor my boundaries? What even are my boundaries? What are things that I want, don't want, things that I put up with, that I shouldn't, that I don't think I should or that I don't want to, and I still do. What are my expectations of people and the way that I want to carry myself and show up for people, right? So like that kind of stuff. So explore that for yourself and you might want to take some notes, right? So these are some things like oh, this is how I'm setting myself down, this is how I'm not honoring my own boundaries with my own self and the way I do my life, the way I show up to my life every day.

Emma Viglucci:

So start making some notes. You know what is not working for you in the way that you do you and just start having that awareness of are you doing things right by you or where you might be falling short. And for now, we're just having awareness, okay. So that's number one. Number two do the same thing with your partner or for your partner. What are my expectations of a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner and then keep going down the line. What are my expectations for a higher level of commitment with a partner Spouse, husband, wife, marriage, long-term relationship, right? So then flesh all that stuff out and then what are my expectations with the external world, like how do I want to be treated, how do I treat others, how much time do I give other things? And that's going to also show up in other topics as we go. So that's why we're doing this first, and so just check that out for yourself, explore it all out, write it out, type it out Whatever devices you use for your journaling or taking notes or personal development and just kind of think on that. What are my expectations of all of those things, of myself, of others, how I want to show up for others, and then see where there is a discrepancy. So once you have that awareness, then you start taking some action.

Emma Viglucci:

So for this one, it would be make the list of all the things that feel that they're not right for you right now or not working for you now. All right, so first you're going to take notes, then you're going to highlight or note somehow what's not working, and then you're going to go through each one of those and say what would? I want it to be right? So maybe you could do two columns. However you want to do this, there's no formal way of doing this for this particular conversation. So then capture for yourself was not working, and then how would I want it to be? So then you look at that final process, what you created, and you say, okay, let me pick two that I'm going to address immediately. So if I say I'm going to go to the gym five times a week and I only go once a week, I'm not keeping a promise to myself.

Emma Viglucci:

You see, that's, that's a, that's an accountability item that you're and I think that you're not honoring with yourself. You're breaking a boundary with yourself, a commitment to yourself, and I'm using the word boundary loosely here for a reason, because it has to do around expectations. So I'm including in their accountability expectations things that we want honoring ourselves, being responsible for ourselves, conscientious. I'm just kind of glumping all that stuff together. There's a lot of stuff here, right? So I'm just boiling it down to eight topics so it's easier to present to you.

Emma Viglucci:

So start somewhere, pick the things that are not working and do something about two of them, and then you keep coming back to these things. Okay, so we don't want to make it overwhelming. I usually say things like this right, so we want to keep it simple, and you could always recycle the material again and again and again until you cover everything that you captured or until there's something else, new material, so, but you don't have to do everything at once, so it's not like oh my goodness, okay. So you're going to pick something, that's, if you move this one thing, it's going to pull a big lever, make a big impact. Perfect, do two of those and you're on your way. So set two boundaries, or reset accountability around something, or clarify an expectation, something to that effect. All right, okay. So that say accountability around something, or clarify an expectation, something to that effect. All right, okay. So that's topic number one.

Emma Viglucci:

Topic number two has to do with creating and managing a life together, a shared life. So, with this, what we want to do is do we have a divide and conquer approach to how we do life? Do we have a divide and conquer approach to how we do life? Now, if you're living together or if you're considering moving in together, then you kind of do what would that look like for you, right? And also, what would it look like once we were married? Because sometimes we're just moving together, we're not really thinking about marriage, and so fine, you establish something.

Emma Viglucci:

But then later, once you're thinking about marriage, you might have to revisit, like I said before. So, whatever stage you're at, you apply it to whatever level applies to you. So how do we want to do chores and responsibilities of this life that we're sharing? And so then you think about OK, so who does all of the different chores and who's responsible for all of the different things that make up our shared life? And, depending again on the level of commitment that you have, you might not have a lot of stuff shared, right? So then you might want to revisit that, depending on if you're progressing into a higher level of commitment. So what becomes more shared and how do we manage it? And that's going to come more into place as we talk about finances and some other things. But for now it's just chores and taking care of business, of things, and just making life happen Planning vacations, paying for the vacations, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, just whatever. All the things in life that you both do together or that impacts your shared space, or things that have to do with the relationship.

Emma Viglucci:

And, again, if the marriage is the conversation, then you step it up like this is going to be for life, and of course you could always tweak it and change it and update it and polish it and all the things that have to be written in stone. But you want to have some clarity going in, right, and this also applies to you guys. I have. I should have said this from the beginning to if you're recently married, right, so don't feel bad that. If, if you just got married, that you haven't done this yet, it's okay, it's never too late, and even if you're three years in, it never hurts to review these things. Maybe you never did this right, so this is this premarital, so. So we help people start their marriage right and stay married. If that's the goal, obviously, um, but it applies at all levels of relationship at any time. If you haven't done this work yet, okay.

Emma Viglucci:

So what are all the responsibilities, what are all the chores, what are all the things and who's responsible for what? So have a divide and conquer approach. So you might want to say, okay, this is mine, this is mine, this is shared. And how do we split the shared? That's one way to look at the bulk of the things. And then, when you make those decisions or those assignments, decide okay, what is the expectation for these things? How often does this thing get done? When, to what degree Will you consider cleaning?

Emma Viglucci:

I might not consider cleaning. So let's clarify some of that. Right, a clean bathroom might include all these things, not just these things. Like. I've heard all kinds of stories. I hear all these things, not just these things like. I've heard all kinds of stories, I hear all kinds of stories about these things from people. Right, clean kitchen, I mean very different, something very different to one partner than to the other.

Emma Viglucci:

Folding, doing laundry. What is the this? This might sound like simple things, right, like, okay, I'm doing the laundry. What does that actually mean? Does it mean grabbing all of the things that need to be washed, washing all of it and then taking it all out, make sure that all of it is dry, make sure all of it is folded and all of it is put away from beginning to end? Or does it mean only parts of that? Right, so people have different definitions of these things and so get on the same page about that.

Emma Viglucci:

What are the expectations, the rotation, the cadence for the things? So that you're on the same page? Because these are the things that create friction, right? So relationships don't break down over big things. They break down over like these, repeating things like this, like people get on each other's nerves and they just fight over seemingly little things. Side note, there's other things driving those fights but they manifest in things like this and if you get out of the way, if you get these out of the way early on, then you could address deeper patterns if there are any sooner than later and you don't create all these messes that people create. So just side note of what usually happens with couples and I don't want to scare you when I say all that there's always dynamics. We could always address them. But then combine dynamics that get created in a relationship and how they play out with messy things not addressed. Like this. It's a lot right. But so if you're on the same page about this, your dynamics might show up not as tricky or prickly, and it's easier to do that work than if everything's kind of like up in the air. Just a little FYI.

Emma Viglucci:

The other thing with that is to clarify lifestyle and routines. What do we want the days to look like? What do we want the weeks to look like? What do we want the months to look like? What do we want the years to look like? How many vacations do we have? So, just like what's the cadence of life? What does life look like? What are the habits? What are the habits, what are the routines, what are the cadences? So you have an idea what the rhythm of life together looks like and again, if you establish some of it, revisit it. Do we like it? Do we need to tweak it? And once we are married, do these things still apply? Do we need to update anything or upgrade anything? Okay, perfect, so that apply. Do we need to update anything or upgrade anything? Okay, perfect, so that's number two.

Emma Viglucci:

Number three is securing your future. Now, this one has to do with managing your finances and planning for the future, like the whole life. That's not true. That's not easy to do, it's a tricky thing, and so, depending on what age you are coming together and doing this, you might have some things more established than if you're younger. So just know that this premarital program is not just for the very young couples. This is actually for all couples who are planning higher level of commitments.

Emma Viglucci:

All of this still applies and generally, when I create this or talk about this, I should say it applies to not very, very young couples per se. It still does, but I created this with some things that people already have in place. People have careers. As I get down the line, people are ready to have children, people of age to have children, or whatever. So there's some assumptions behind the topics. Right? So let's say from 25 to 45, right? So that's the ballpark, that's when people are the way I'm saying that things apply the most.

Emma Viglucci:

But if you're older, it still applies to you because you still have to create that jointness. And if you're younger, you might want to put some of these other things in place to help you get further ahead in life. You might not have all the things established yet. So then the conversation is even more important how do we establish a career? How do we establish the financial security Right, or having jobs, or being employable or whatever? So if you're younger, so just tailor it for yourself, knowing that that's a bias behind or an assumption behind the content. So you could extrapolate or stretch it to apply depending on what age group you're in. But just know that, regardless of your personal age, a relationship still goes through the same stages, regardless of your age, and all these things are still important. If you're older and you've already had marriages or you already had children or whatever, then you need to include some of that into these topics and they'll play out as we go here. But just keep that in mind that you might need to consider your own stage of life and your own topics, how they influence these topics.

Emma Viglucci:

Okay, so you tailor it to your circumstances. Okay, so let's see. What does it want to say about finances? So things to consider have to do with what you each bring into the relationship, how you each want to contribute to it financially, how you manage it together. Do you manage the joint expenses, and what plan for the future do you have? So I'm giving you high level stuff here, okay, and so those are starter conversations to have somewhat of an idea of what's happening. And then, of course, you could deepen into that and make better, more detailed plans and more specific approach to managing the finances, like who pays the bills, how do we pay the bills, where do we put the money, how do we use it, how do we access it, like that kind of stuff. So, again, the higher level of commitment, the more specifics that you're going to get on this and the more joint stuff that you're going to do. So they're having conversations around that, okay.

Emma Viglucci:

Topic number four is creating a satisfying intimate life, and so that has to do with how compatible are you sexually, what's the attraction level and I say these things very cautiously because it could all be worked on, unless you're totally disgusted by somebody, which then in that case I don't think you would be dating or living together, right? So that's the new point out, and therefore the assumption is that you want to have satisfying sex life together and that you're interested in having intimate intimacy together and that you like each other enough to do that and that you're attracted enough to do that and that all the parts work enough. So we make very basic assumptions here. If you don't meet those minimum requirements, it does a separate conversation, and we could talk about that separately if you need to, obviously yourselves or with us if you want to. But cover your basics and then the conversations are around.

Emma Viglucci:

Well, what do we want our sex life to be like? What do we want our physical intimacy to look like? What do we want our emotional intimacy to look like? What does that mean, right? So how often do we want to have sex? What kind of sex do we want to have? How often do we want to have date night? How often do. We want to have couple of time, but we don't want to lifestyles like cadence, ideally routines to look like. So we feel we feel connected, so we create connections, sustain connection, deepen connection, right? So I took all these things in different programs and different content.

Emma Viglucci:

If you're interested, check out all of our materials on this our blog, our YouTube channel, podcast, all the other episodes. So I'm going to try to link as much stuff as possible in the description, show notes so you could access um different things. That's already out there for some of these topics. And then, of course, you could always work with us to deepen and for support to actually address things. If there are any, any bumps in the road and just off the top of my head for that one, you could go back to the podcast that I did in this recently on sexual intimacy and passion, and there's a few of them, so just go back to. I forget the exact name of them and the number of them, I apologize, but so I'm going to link them.

Emma Viglucci:

And then they talk about masculine and feminine energy. They talk about different styles of sexual preferences. Right, who has a spontaneous style? Who has more of a responsive, responsive style? Right. So who needs more stimulation, who is like ready to go, and in how to work with the style so that you become more and more compatible if you feel you're not compatible. You see, that's the tricky part um, some people get hung up on like, oh, we're not compatible, we're not compatible, people are not compatible in a lot of things. You could create all that stuff, okay. So don't get hung up, hung up on that. If you, if you have enough something to be together, we could pretty much work on anything, okay, and then? So that was topic number four.

Emma Viglucci:

Topic number five is starting a family, and so I don't know if you can tell the progression of the topics here, right? So we start with boundaries and just making sure that we're respecting each other's space and that we're being accountable for things and showing up properly. Then how do we do life together, space, and then we're being accountable for things and showing up properly. Then how do we do life together? Then, how do we finance it? Then, how intimate are we? How close are we in? And now we're moving to family as the intimacy progresses, this potentially, then we reproduce also, and you might say why you have finances there before connection, and the reason for that is because we just didn't. We're kind of setting the structure and the safety for that is because we just sit in. We kind of sit in the structure and the safety for things. So then we go deeper, deeper, deeper into all the things that are more meaningful. So we set up the structure, the frameworks for the things to work and then we fill them with the good stuff. So it doesn't mean that they're more of a priority than these ones. It's just how to make things flow and work easier in your life.

Emma Viglucci:

Okay, and so for having children, it's a matter of okay, what are your ages? Are you ready to have children? Have you had children yet? Are you healthy? How long have you been together?

Emma Viglucci:

People make the decision to children in all kinds of different ways. There's no right or wrong way, and there's also there's never a right time. So let's not get hung up on that. But just what is it feeling like for you? So, having that conversation of like okay, where are you at with this? Where am I at with this? What do you want, what do I want? And just kind of massage it and massage and massage it until you find the place that works and that you could start making decisions from that place and pull the trigger, if you may, and please don't get hung up on like, okay, they only want this many children, I want this many children, or they're not ready yet and I am ready. Like, these are deal breakers. None of these stuff are deal breakers, okay. Like these are deal breakers, none of these stuffs are deal breakers, okay.

Emma Viglucci:

The only thing that might be a real breaker here is that if one person knows for sure they don't want to have children and the other one says like, oh, they might change their mind. I've seen people get hung up on that and create problems. That is a very tough thing. Like, don't sit with the expectation that people might change their minds, okay, that is, you're just setting yourself up. So if they're telling you right off the bat I don't want children, take that seriously, because people get messed up with this. Unless you're very, very young, right, and you don't know yourself yet. So you might get that in consideration that people might change their minds, because as they evolve and grow up, they might change their minds. That does happen.

Emma Viglucci:

But if somebody is more mature let's say late 20s, early 30s and you say you don't want children, I will listen to that, especially if you're much older and especially if you already had children. Please listen to that. You're just doing yourself a disfavor. Like this is one of the things that really trips people up. This is I wouldn't. I would say that to take that seriously. Um, I don't believe in deal breakers, but this one is really really tough for people to find a common ground and get over, just saying, okay, so what else would have any family that I want to share?

Emma Viglucci:

You might want to talk about parenting styles what kind of, what kind of pregnancies you want to have. Do you I mean, estimate that you're closer to getting pregnant, right? So? So of course, these conversations evolve as you go. You start very basic and then they get deeper. Do you want to have a doula and do a birth home? Do you want to go to the hospital? Do you want to have a schedule c session, like where your belief systems are around, around a lot of these things, and you don't need to agree on these things.

Emma Viglucci:

It's just to kind of know each other what to expect. The specifics of all these things can unfold as you go, the initial conversations, especially if you're in the earlier side of all of this. It's just to kind of know each other more, just kind of know what to expect and to know what's coming down the pike and if you have judgments about a certain type of personality that would want certain kinds of things, right. So if you're like that's a hippie style or that's like too out of touch with humanity style, and you have judgments and you guess that for some reason, then those are things to work through so that you accept each other more. You could find common grounds, you see. So you don't have to do a prescription like everything's written now and everything's done, but just have exploration. This is all exploratory conversations and you could write things down and you could highlight things to deepen on later.

Emma Viglucci:

Some some of those things might be actionable things, depending on what topic we're working on. Like with boundaries we had to take away for you to start working on right now with negotiating responsibilities. Also, you might want to start kind of shifting responsibilities and chores and stuff around, clarifying things and shifting things around with finances. You might want to start making some things joint, depending on, again, where you're at um, in your financial life and in the status of your relationship with intimacy. Definitely, start implementing more connection habits and connection things and enriching your relationship with this one we one.

Emma Viglucci:

If you're getting closer to oh, we might think of having children sooner than later, you start working on things that make your bodies healthy, right? So it's easy to get pregnant, or easier If you're older some of us get pregnant very quickly. And then, if we're much younger, and in that case you want to be, use first control if you're not ready to get pregnant. So, again, right, you make this, you apply this to yourself. Depending on where you're at, you might want to start some research about parenting, about getting pregnant, about pregnancy. What does that look like? Parenting, right? So, again, depends on where you are, you could create takeaways and actionable things for you to do. Again, don't go and do it all of the things. Pick one or two for each topic, or actually, yes, do that. And then at the end you're going to look at the eight topics and you're going to say, okay, which topic do I need to focus on first, or which ones, and you narrow it down even further. So then you're not going to have 16 topics at the end, 16 takeaways you will in your exercise, in your notes, whatever, but to actually go, take action on, you're going to narrow it down, so to one, two or three, right? So you only have a handful of actionable things to do and that you're going to keep working on, you see, so you create like a little program for yourself, so it's not overwhelming, but you're tackling all of the things at the same time.

Emma Viglucci:

Okay, the next one is topic number six. So this one is leisure activities and fun. You would think that this one is the fun and easy one, and for some reason, this trips people up. People get hung up on it. We have nothing in common. We can't have any fun together. We are totally opposite. He likes this, she likes that, my partner likes the other thing, and we just can't get on the same page. We nothing to do together, oh, my dear lord. So if that's you, actually, let me backtrack. That might not be you.

Emma Viglucci:

So then, kudos and you still want to have the conversations around, what are the things that we like to do together? What are the things I like to do by myself or with my friends or with my people? What are the things that we do together, do together? What are the things I like to do by myself or with my friends or with my people. What are the things that we do together? And let's map that out. How do we include that in our life? How do we do leisure time? How do we do the fun? What kind of lifestyle do we want to have? What kind of kid is this? What kind of personal pursuits, what kind of? Do we have an adventurous life? Do we have a cozy life? Do we have joint interests, projects, right? So you explore these things and you put things in place and again, don't make it overwhelming Explore, explore, explore, take notes, highlight, narrow down and then you'll end up with two things to potentially run with and at the end we'll see if this cuts the list of the things that you're going to more immediately work on.

Emma Viglucci:

If you're already having thoughts of holy moly, we're not compatible at all, please don't use that as the reason not to be together. That is one of the silliest reasons, because there are all ways of working around that. So some of what I already said you could see if that resonates and you could work with that. If you create something from that, you could find the things that you do have in common. You don't have to have everything in common. If you find, if you think not. If you find, if you think that you have nothing in common, I encourage you to try to create things that are in common, right, or you grab from both and you create something new kind of thing. That's one way. The other way is to say, okay, out of all the things that you like, out of all the things that I like, what can we put in the middle that we could each kind of still stretch to do with each other, because it makes the other person happy, and just doing the thing together makes me happy, even if I don't love the thing. That's the way to do this. Okay, there are other things too, but just for this conversation. So that's what I want you to take away. Don't use this as a reason to like oh my gosh, you see nothing Like all these topics, we suck at all of it, like we don't work. It could be true. I mean, I'm not going to tell you to suck up a meeting or relationship that's not working for you, but what I'm offering is that most things are workable and most things just require skills, conversation, curiosity, removing limited beliefs, scripts, ideas and just all kinds of things that we could do to get you on the same page and make it work well. Okay, just to let you know. Okay.

Emma Viglucci:

And then the next one is topic number seven, and this one is maintaining balance, and I use that word ever so lightly, because what the heck is balance? It's no such thing, but it's a cultural word that we use, and so I'm using it here, and people use life, work, balance and just balance people's needs and that kind of concept. So, again, I'm using it just because it's common language. But what we want to do here is just making sure that we're investing in all of the sides in a way that serves us, that we both feel taken care of and that their relationship flows. And so things to consider here are things like dual careers. How do we prioritize your career demands, my career demands? How do we prioritize our personal needs, a couple's needs and then family needs? How do we integrate civic or other commitments, extended family, friends, right? So how do we juggle everything? Juggle is probably better word than balance, I don't know.

Emma Viglucci:

So a good insight about this is to say there is a time and a place for everything. So sometimes in life life we focus more on some things. That are other times and I say life, but it could be seasons of life too, like that kind of concept. But it could also mean on a weekly basis, right, right, like during the week I go hard at work and then during the weekend it's just all family, for example, right. Or like really like crazy, just family. Or how do I find time to have personal time and then couple of time if you don't have children yet?

Emma Viglucci:

And for all of these things it's not the amount of time, it's the quality time, and so finding a combination of things that you feel that you're checking all of the boxes properly and when the timing is right. So sometimes we're all in on a career project or something is happening and we kind of let some of the things fall to the wayside. But then how do we still give it enough quality so it sustains? It same thing with that health, let's say. Right, a lot of people just neglect all kinds of things when something's going on. It's okay to focus on things and to give it a life. Something's going on, but you can't completely drop everything else. How, how do you still give it enough to keep everything else well and you give it quality so it's nourished? Hopefully that was clear enough. Let's see. I'm just trying to think how much I could give you in this context, in this conversation, when you watch this or listen to this.

Emma Viglucci:

If you have questions, feel free to contact us through the contact us on our website page. If you have questions, if you're on social media watching this, feel free to make a comment and ask questions. If you get this through the newsletter, feel free to reply back to the email. Like always feel free to check in with us if something doesn't make sense, if you want more and, of course, if you want deeper support, we're here for you. So don't just let something land and you're like, eh, right, or I had no idea what she said and I don't care. Like, if you're interested and if you're curious and if you need that piece, go grab it. Right, so we're here for you, okay.

Emma Viglucci:

And then the last one is topic eight, and it's your higher power and relationship vision. So this is one of my favorites because this is like your, like your, like your lighthouse. So you find your safe harbor, or your North star, if you may, right, and you connect into your higher power, to your higher self. So I'm not making this religious very spiritual. You translate it to whatever your beliefs are. But the more that we are aligned with God, the universe, our higher self, our higher power, and the more that we align with a vision of how we want things, the easier life stays, because we filter all that stuff through that and we're always in alignment. So hugely important I should probably make this one one.

Emma Viglucci:

And so, from here, you want to touch base on. What are your values, what are your spiritual beliefs? What are your religious beliefs or practices? What is your vision for life? What kind of life do you want to have at the end of the day? What do you want things to look like? What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of relationship do you want to have? What kind of partnership do you want to create with each other? What kind of masterpiece do you want to create? How do you create your radiant relationship and so percolate right?

Emma Viglucci:

There's no right or wrong way to any of this. There is no. This is what you should do. There is no by this time, this or that or the other, or right. There's nothing like that. This is your life, this is your joint life, this is your masterpiece. This is your, this is your human experience.

Emma Viglucci:

You do what you want. You create what you want. Just be intentional about it. That I do request that you do, please, because that's how you create what you want and how you make yourself happy at the end of the day and have an amazing life and relationship. If you go banging around and you're not intentional, you're going to create carpola and you're not going to feel very well and you're not going to really enjoy your life, and I don't want that for you. That I have a strong opinion on. I want you to be happy. That's what I'm here for. I want you to have an amazing relationship. So just be intentional.

Emma Viglucci:

So have the conversations, explore, kick it around, massage it, finesse it, play with it, and if it feels different from each other, you're like oh boy, I don't know. Just keep checking in, keep checking in and keep exploring and keep having the conversations and see if you could massage it enough that you could create the joint version, the shared version. Okay, okay, my love. So those are the eight topics. I will put them on the show notes so that you have the list. You have the timestamps there.

Emma Viglucci:

We'll also add resources from all of the places that we have so that you could deepen into this, whether it's the blog, the podcast, the YouTube channel, whatever. So I'll put some stuff in here for you and, of course, if you want support, if you need support, please. You know where we are. The website is MetroRelationshipcom. If you want to check it out for anything and just stay in touch. Let us know how this landed If you have any questions, and I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for watching, for listening, and I will see you at the next one. Bye.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Emma K Viglucci, LMFT

Host